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Old 04-17-2007, 02:04 AM   #1
Rina Refine
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Default problems?

have a problem but u cant ask anyone around u?
want advice but surrounded by ignorant idiots?
then ask me!!!!!!!!
so ask. plz? i get bored and lonely and neko-sentai i lyk my life now... >_<
 
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Old 04-17-2007, 02:08 AM   #2
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Default Re: problems?

I always did wonder how many people actually play an online game naked.. or close.. haha >.>
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Old 04-17-2007, 02:56 AM   #3
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I played naked once. But only for a few minutes before I started to get really cold.

And on topic I have a problem:

You see, most people have an unfounded fear. Fear of heights, fear of sharks, etc. I have a fear. It grips me every day and controls my life.

I'm terrified of females, specifically ones that I have a crush on. Scared stiff. Frightened out of my wits. Absolutely TERRIFIED. The worst part is, I'm nearly 28 years old. I should have outgrown this by now, but I haven't.

I've heard that facing your fears is the way to conquer them. Don't misunderstand me, I've been in several relationships before. Most of my relationships have fizzled out and ended with the girl either A) Marrying someone else; B) Moving away; C) Going psycho and sleeping with another guy; or D) Being too busy to do anything with me.

How am I supposed to get married if I'm terrified of meeting new girls?

And as soon as this question gets answered, I have another huge one that deals with male/female aggressiveness and gender roles. For now lets stick to this one.
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Old 04-17-2007, 02:59 AM   #4
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I have a half joke half real answer to that. Whenever you see a girl you want to talk to, take a rock and throw it on your own crotch, the pain will help you forget your fear.
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Old 04-17-2007, 03:28 AM   #5
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Default Re: problems?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gulkeeva
I always did wonder how many people actually play an online game naked.. or close.. haha >.>
sorri~ how many ppl is a statistics kinda thing so i cant answer...
but! ppl play naked because~
1. being naked makes them feel sexy
2. theyre cybering/masturbating to something on the online game
3. monthly fees made them lose most of their clothes
 
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Old 04-17-2007, 03:32 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wenrick
I'm terrified of females, specifically ones that I have a crush on. Scared stiff. Frightened out of my wits. Absolutely TERRIFIED. The worst part is, I'm nearly 28 years old. I should have outgrown this by now, but I haven't.

I've heard that facing your fears is the way to conquer them. Don't misunderstand me, I've been in several relationships before. Most of my relationships have fizzled out and ended with the girl either A) Marrying someone else; B) Moving away; C) Going psycho and sleeping with another guy; or D) Being too busy to do anything with me.

How am I supposed to get married if I'm terrified of meeting new girls?
hmm... i think it might be because
1. ur afraid of rejection in any sort of way so ur mind makes me think ur scared to make a excuse not to try
2. in ur subconscious u have a bad memory and that's kicking in
3. u never went in to the doctor for a cootie vaccine XP
 
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Old 04-17-2007, 03:48 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rinaxrina
hmm... i think it might be because
1. ur afraid of rejection in any sort of way so ur mind makes me think ur scared to make a excuse not to try
2. in ur subconscious u have a bad memory and that's kicking in
3. u never went in to the doctor for a cootie vaccine XP
Must be #3
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:15 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wenrick
What kind of a sick world do we live in?
that's why we have neko-sentai! XP

i know it's hard and u heard this ALOT of times but...
1. u have to somehow communicate with the girl u lyk (it doesnt help if she onli knows ur name and face) if it's at work, i think it's easier cause u know she's always gonna be there at her time of shift and it's not weird that ur there. u can start by asking questions (lyk "ive seen u around, where do u work at?" ish thing, not "OMFG WILL U MARRY ME")
2. once u start to know each other it's time to settle ur feelings. do u realli lyk her or did u just admire her? would u rather be friends or want her as a gf? this is the hard part because if ur too late, u'll always be friends. if ur too early, she'll still be insecure. If u know more about the girl than she does, that means ur too late. ur probably going to get rejected and lose a friend that u might be able to take advantage of later (i.e. she broke up and she needs emotional support)
3. or u can be tricky. u keep on hinting ur affection but all of a sudden stop. if she starts talking to u from herself, then it's working. "if a door doesnt open when u push, pull" so ur words say u dont lyk her but ur actions do. girls usually want to be the one who loves or gives the affection, so it's kinda good? i want to be loved so idk that much on that part.

p.s. #3 is actually supposed to be the kinda funny answer but i want u to cheer up >_<
 
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:58 AM   #9
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Wow, Rina, you're quite good at giving advice. Ive actually had a similar problem to that, except I dont really have any female friends, so getting this advice from a girl's PoV is hard. Anyway, Id also like to ask a question... or four...

Well, similar to Wenrick, Im terrified of talking to girls. Lately, Ive been able to do it more and more easily, but to me its still kind of a big deal cause its rare. I kinda feel bad cause there are times that I feel like I'm being picky when I shouldnt with girls. I only feel attracted to certain girls (mostly the ones that dress really conservative, showing less skin. They just come off as less, eh... cant think of a good word for it.) All around me my friends constantly talk about sex. When Im with them and their GFs, they isolate themselves in a corner or something and make out the whole time. Im 20, and Ive never had a GF. I dont want to be involved with this sex or constant making out, though I do want to fall in love. Is this a bad mindset? Are the girls really always as horny as the guys, or are there girls out there that actually look for the same thing as me? Can there really be other basis to a relationship than sex and making out?
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:04 AM   #10
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It is an understandable mindset. After twenty years with no companionship it is understandable that one would want just that for now. It is not a bad mind-set, for the other thoughts will come when the first mind-set is satiated.
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:48 AM   #11
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Since this seems to be more about relationships than anything else I'll have you know I had several girl friends growing up the last at the age of 18 and married her at 23, now 26.

To Wenrick: What do you care if you're rejected? If you're not rejected then things are going well. If you are rejected then she "just wasn't that into you" in which case it was for the better.

A relationship goes both ways and if both of you don't connect then you're wasting your time. Seriously. Now if you're being rejected quickly or it happens often to the point where it's becoming a problem then you may want to consider there is something wrong with yourself i.e. socially inept.

I'll probably be shunned for saying that and called a bastard but if you're unwilling to hear it you're just plain ignorant. To clarify though I'm not saying that that's the way it is, it's just something to be aware of. Seriously though, relationships are simple, if it is to last then nobody can change the way they are unless it's you who willingly does so.

Which kinda backs up my earlier statement about who you are. If you are being yourself and fear rejection that's one thing. If you're trying to be someone your not for the sake of others then that's another. Know yourself and be honest to yourself before anything else.

END WALL OF TEXT :roll:
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:18 AM   #12
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To Mysteryguy, keeping in mind with what I said above and to add....

Myself I grew up conservative when it came to relationships not having full blow "penis and vagina" sex until I was 18. <- (meant to be laughed at) But that's not to say I didn't get far and that orgasms weren't had. With this out of the way, let me tell you something.

First it sounds like you have high standards. My aunt has high standards, she's also 60 years old and has never been married. She still lives with her parents too.

Two: I never talk about sex to anyone face to face or in the same room. Over the internet is another story, I can just leave if I want to. I actually think people (men AND women) who talk about sex freely have issues. And I'm talking about serious long term relationship issues. Something just as simple as making out is something that should be sacred and personal between you and your partner. If you're sucking face in public or talking about the sex you had with someone then you're betraying your partners trust and..... lost my train of thought. My point is, if intimacy becomes less intimate then love CAN become less of a need and more of an addiction. (healthy vs. unhealthy)

Personally though, keeping in mind with what I said to Wenrick. Now that I'm married, I kinda wish I had been sightly more promiscuous. Let me rephrase that, the first year of my marriage I wish I had been, not anymore though. I blame it on getting married young and living a conservative and respectful lifestyle when it came to sex. But not anymore, now I'm working on climbing that corporate ladder so that I may have children. Next year I'm buying a house and our kids will go to a Private Japanese immersion school, (my wife is Japanese and appreciate Japanese culture and society more than what I've been born into, that and if things keep going they way they are I just might say fuck it to my well being post 65 and move there).

Sorry this is turning into a rant, I just want you to understand where I come from to form some bit of credibility. Make out, have sex, you don't have to go all the way, blow jobs are awesome, making a girl cum is just as satisfying as if it was you. But I don't look up to your friends, if anything, try to be less like them.

Oh, and I was raised Pagan, as an adult I lean towards Shinto Buddhism.
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:20 AM   #13
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It's easy to say, but some guys just don't know how to handle it. After being rejected (not only including girls) x amount of times, one becomes afraid. It hurts, it really hurts. It's more of a defense mechanism than anything. Granted this is no excuse and will not help the situation at hand, it is what's going on. In the end it is always up to the individual to decide that they will not be afraid anymore. It just takes time to heal from all the previous rejections.
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:27 AM   #14
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I've never broken it off with someone unless it was mutual and I've been rejected several times. It's hard when you pour your guts out, telling someone how much you feel you love them just to have them say umm.... I love you too, but as a friend. Or to be with a girl for two years to find out some guy you don't really like got her pregnant. Yeah that sucks.

Seriously, if you be yourself and she don't like you, then fuck her. (as in tell her to go away)


Damn it, but I can't stress enough, be normal don't be a freak.... This is all easier said then typed. *head esplodes*
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Old 04-17-2007, 09:36 AM   #15
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For me, talking to girls, well talking to anyone has never been a problem. Starting the conversation with anyone however has always been an issue. The problem is I just don't know where to begin. If someone else starts the conversation it's fine, I can talk to them no problem. The funny part is, with my friends I always start conversations.
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Old 04-17-2007, 09:46 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barachiel
For me, talking to girls, well talking to anyone has never been a problem. Starting the conversation with anyone however has always been an issue. The problem is I just don't know where to begin. If someone else starts the conversation it's fine, I can talk to them no problem. The funny part is, with my friends I always start conversations.
Yes, the commencement also seems to be a common problem. Some people are just shy.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:08 AM   #17
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I think im to quite. I never really stretch out anything i just get to the point. Sure it makes me a good listener but talking to anybody sucks for me since i have nothing to talk about really. The most ive ever said (actally... typed) was pretty much making a ls member my shrink to see if i was a bad person pretty much got into a life story and it got philisophical. Any way i can be more open to people and not look down on them like im there father if im talking to a girl or the older brother when its a guy? (this has acutally been my longest post i think :?)
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Old 04-17-2007, 01:13 PM   #18
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Let me give you an idea about my method of relationships. Some of you will not like this method, think its silly, idotic, smart, bizarre, whatever. I'm not here to change my method, I'm just trying to find out why my method isn't working. Okay, here we go.

Despite what most of the world teaches, looks are only the first step. Yes, looks will get you noticed first, but that's as far as good-looking females get with me. I've never been truly attracted to a good-looking girl because most (but not all) of them have horrible personalities. Once I get to know the girl--despite how attractive she may or may not be--then I can decide whether or not I like her. Personality is everything, in my book. If I can't make you laugh, its over. If I make you laugh artificially (laughing out of politeness--god, I hate that) then its over. If you're dumb, its over--there's no bigger turn off for me than a stupid girl. If all we talk about are superficial things, its over. If you're a busy-body and have six hundred things to do in your schedule, then its over.

What am I looking for in a girl? Call me picky, but I'm looking for a smart, fun-loving, adventurous girl, who has free time to spend with me. Is that so much to ask?

Let me explain a bit more of myself. I am incredibly timid. Starting conversations with girls I like (bear in mind I don't like them til I know them) is very easy, cause we've talked before. But because of how frightened I am, I never really push the relationship any further. I always think that if she's attracted to me, she'll return my interest naturally. Now because I am timid, I tend to like assertive girls. Not overly aggressive ones, but assertive (because they are usually the fun ones). I don't know what steps to take to further the relationship because I've never done it before. Everything I've seen on TV or movies, if I were to do that, it would be out of character and give the wrong impression to the girl. I'm true to myself. I want the girl to like me for who I am. Unfortunately, that mindset hasn't produced any relationship stable enough to move toward marriage.

I know that I'm recieving a biased opinion from everyone, and to be honest, that's exactly what I want. Why you ask? Because people on the internet (not all, mind), but most people tend to be introverted. This means that in general, they are not comfortable around large groups and/or social scenes, and prefer smaller, close knit friendships. As for myself, I'm extremely introverted. I get along with everyone, but I only have a few friends, and they are very close to me. I know a lot of you here are like that. You've had relationships. Some of you are married, some single. The only advice that I will find useful is from advice from intoverted people, because that is who I can relate to the best.

Mysteryguy: Totally agreed on the clothing bit. Girls who dress like sluts get noticed, but won't get anywhere with me. Dressing like a prostitute will usually catch the interest of a future wife-abuser. I know thats a blanket statement, but I stand behind it. There is immense pressure in todays world to dress like a skank, talk about sex, and act promiscuously. I think its a bunch of bullshit. Be who you are, not who the world wants you to be. Rise above the pressure, slap the world in the face and say "Fuck you and your standards!" Now that isn't to say you should never talk about such things. There is a time and place for everything. Talking about intimate things in a non-intimate setting cheapens the experience. In other words, completely agreed.

Omni: What do I care if I'm rejected? You've probably heard the term "All is fair in Love and War." Regardless of whether you believe that or not, it gives a good idea about what's at stake when it comes to relationships. Its very similar to high-stakes gambling. Its an adrenaline rush, an endorphine rush, highly addictive, and the rewards are sickeningly high. If I lose my bet (get rejected) do I care? You better believe it.

I'm not saying I regret any of my relationships I've had with girls. I cherish the time I spent with them, and are fond memories. However, that doesn't stop me from wondering what is wrong with myself. Most of the girls I've been close with are now married, and the rest I've lost contact with. So it isn't them, its me. Am I socially inept? That's a very real possibility.

Longest post EVAR.
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Old 04-17-2007, 02:19 PM   #19
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Wenrick, here is what my close female friends tell me.

You are like me, you're not quite sure how to make the next step. They say if you are into the girl, just ask her to a movie that weekend or something. It's not really a date, but it's more of a start than anything. After that, if you've both seemed to enjoy yourselves, call her a few days later and ask if she wants to get dinner or something. The steps into a relationship should bring about themselves after that.

This being said, I have never tried this. This is coming from the mouths of females that I talk to all the time.

Girls like to be persuaded, this is why most of them won't make the move.

I'm not an expert on women by any means, but this is what I've analyzed/ learned from friends.

Now for the staying true to your mindset thing. If you really think this thing with a girl can happen, you gotta be willing to do things outside of your box. Some things just don't work (in very rare cases it might). I am not intending to flame your methods or anything, because I empathize with you. Both of us can probably take this lesson.
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:17 PM   #20
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dear ppl who arent the ppl who asked me for help.
this is supposed to be MY thread where I listen to ppl's problems.
if u want to share ur experiences, fine but PUSHING UR IDEAS AND SAYING BAD THINGS THAT ARE SELF-CENTERED AND RUBBING IT IN DOESN'T HELP.
ESPECIALLY IF UR DOING MORE DAMAGE THAN HELP.
i value the ppl who ask me for help verrry much, so i'll get pissed off.
so plz dont say anything if ur going to be lyk that.
so...
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0mnipresence
To Wenrick: What do you care if you're rejected? If you're not rejected then things are going well. If you are rejected then she "just wasn't that into you" in which case it was for the better. blah blah Seriously though, relationships are simple, if it is to last then nobody can change the way they are unless it's you who willingly does so.:
just because U think so doesn't mean Wenrick has to.
everyone has their own style. for U, that's ur solution. for Wenrick, it's prolly not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 0mnipresence
To Mysteryguy, keeping in mind with what I said above and to add....
Sorry this is turning into a rant, I just want you to understand where I come from to form some bit of credibility. Make out, have sex, you don't have to go all the way, blow jobs are awesome, making a girl cum is just as satisfying as if it was you. But I don't look up to your friends, if anything, try to be less like them.
if ur sorry u wouldnt have made the second rant. this means ur not sorry.
and where u come from doesn't make u any better or worse. that's actually suggesting discrimination.
ur sexual preferences shouldn't be pushed onto other ppl too, unless it's ur partner.
and he doesn't have a problem with his friends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 0mnipresence
Seriously, if you be yourself and she don't like you, then fuck her. (as in tell her to go away)
Damn it, but I can't stress enough, be normal don't be a freak.... This is all easier said then typed. *head explodes*
this is totally biased on UR ideas.
"be normal don't be a freak..." WTH!!!!
seriously, leave my clients? alone. ur not helping, it seems like u just want to make ppl feel bad and impress someone, which isn't working.
if u must, at least try to act nice or be like advent.
even though he's violating rule 1 on this thread that I onli give advice...
 
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