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Old 09-06-2006, 02:55 PM   #1
Taali
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Default My mithra fanfic

I finally finished this story about my mithra red mage. I've been wanting to post it on some fanfiction sites, but I keep having to wait, and wait, and...I'm tired of waiting. So I'm going to put it here, and see how well it goes. I'm going to try and post it in two parts.


THE HIDDEN FOE
Part 1


Her blue eyes slowly opened to her new surroundings. A once dark place, now full of sunlight. She let out a low groan. Her body ached from lying, face down, on top of rubble. Slowly, Lyrah pushed herself up to a sitting position on her knees. A wave of dizzyness rushed through her, causing her to let out another low groan. She touched her slender hand to her head, and felt a trickle of blood.

Judging the small wound to not be serious, Lyrah sat still waiting for the dizzyness to subside. Lyrah had went out to Tahrongi, to do some work for her sister, Kyaa, of the Boneworkers Guild. And as she was excavating her chosen site, she struck a hollow spot in the ground. Then, before she had time to react, the ground fell away beneth her, and she fell into this chamber. The heat of the sun bore heavly down apon her. Lyrah found her water flask nearby covered in dust.

She picked it up, and popped open the lid. She then put in to her parched lips, and drank deeply. her thirst now satisfied, and the ache in her muscles gone, Lyrah stood up on her feet and streched, from the tips of her pointy ears, down to the tip of her tail. She couldn't have been unconscience for any longer then ten mintues.She looked around the empty room. Though the chamber was to deep to simply climb out of, Lyrah wasn't worried. The race of Mithra were nimble, and agile. Any Mithra would be able to simply run up the wall to reach the ledge. Lyrah figured she could do it in three steps. On the wall across from her were a series of markings along the bottom. She went over for a closer examanation. She reconigzed the markings as an older form of Tarutaru writting. She knew their language, and writting, but she still wasn't able to read this.

"This must be writting from one of the Tarutaru tribes, before they united to become a nation."
She though outloud to herself. She went back to the pile of rubble in search of her pickaxe. Whatever was behind that wall could be worth a fortune. But Lyrah wasn't so shortsighted to think only of the gil. She was also intrigued by the historical signifacants this chamber could contain. She found her pickaxe, and went back to the wall. Since the ancient Tarutaru writting covered only the bottom portion of the wall, she felt no qulams about digging through it.

This rock was tough. Lyrah struck at it with her pickaxe over, and over. And after a long time of digging, she made little progress. Undaunted, Lyrah put her hand to the wall and gathered her magic. She cast the spell dia into the wall, to weaken it. Then she took another drink from her wather flask, raised her pickaxe, and resumed digging.

Clang, clang, clang. Echoed the sound through the room hidden behind the wall. And in the complete darkness, it stured. Long had it waited. So very long. And now the wait was about to end. over the course of time, its hunger grew. All of its strength was required to hold back from trying to break through the wall that very moment. Its mouth filled with thick drool, in antisapation of sweet flesh. The noise stopped for a moment, making the creature more anxious. But then it started back up again. Egarly it waited. Clang, clang, clang.

The dia spell made the difference. Lyrah was able to dig through the wall much quicker. And soon she broke through. She made the hole bigger for her to comfortably fit through. And just as she was about to cross through, she froze. A strong scent filled the air. Something else was in there. A flash of gleaming white shot foward. Jaws filled with sharp teeth. Lyrah gasped, and sprang backwards, falling to her back. The head of a large reptile poked through the hole. Its wide, yellow eyes locked on her. Its large jaws reached out for her, snapping with wild insanity. Spittle flew everywhere, some of it landing on her. Lyrah yelped, as her heart lept to her throat. her body trembled violently, adrenaline pumping through her. She instinctively reached for her sword, but remembered she had left it with her chocobo. It couldn't reach her. The frenzied beast let out a roar of rage, but the hole was to small for it to fit through. It went back into the hidden room then reached out with one of its arms. Its arm was huge. Its four fingers were long, sharp claws. And they were metal. The claw reached out, slashing, and stabbing at her. Lyrah scooted herself out of reach, and stood up. The creature then started to tear at the wall, breaking off chunks of rock. Lyrah fled, running three steps up the wall, and grabbing hold of the ledge. She pulled herself out of the camber, and ran to her chocobo, not wasting any time in looking back. She took her sword from the chocobo, and tied it to her waist. She mounted her chocobo, and turend about, preparing to flee.

And there was the monster.Climbing atop the ledge. A large lizard-like creature. It stood on two legs, about eight feet tall, and covered in black scales. Its clawed feet appeared to be made out of metal just like its arms. It took a step foward. Lyrah gathered her magic, and threw a powerful bolt of lightining at it. The creature was hit square in the chest, and fell back into the chamber.

Lyrah urgered her chocobo on, full speed. She rode down the winding path, heading, for East Sautabaruta. She rode her chocobo to exhaustion, and was forced to stop. She dismounted from her chocobo, and prepared its food, and water. Lyrah then sat down beside her chocobo, trying to calm herself down. When she finally felt her heartbeat return to normal, Lyrah untied the purple ribbon in her messy hair and pulled it out. her hair fell out of its braid, and went down just passed her shoulders. She unpacked her comb, mabe by her sister, and ran it through her hair. She brushed out alot of dust, and dirt when she relized something. She had left behind all the bones she had excavated for her sister.

Kyaa would be unhappy. But Lyrah shurgged away the though, thinking her life was vastly more important. besides, she wasn't going back there. She began to ponder the creature hidden away in that ancient chamber, but felt to distracted by her discomforts. She was dirty from her travels, and from that fall. Not to mention That monster spit was still all over her, having dryed up by now.

"How do people manage without magic?"
She said to no one, as she stood up, and began to undress. She wore her traditional Mithran gear, which consisted of her seperaters, gloves, gaiters, and loincloth. She tossed these aside, along with her underwear. Lyrah began gathering her magic above her head. A swirl of moisture appeared over her, forming into a globe of water. She contiuned casting her spell, making the water globe bigger. Then she let the spell go, and the water globe fell apon her. Lyrah squeeked from the sudden rush of cold, as it engulfed her. She stood there for a moment, naked, and soaking wet. Not as good as a bath, but she felt much better.

She went through her bags, that were strapped to her chocobo, and pulled out a clean set of underwear, and Mithran seperaters. She got dressed, and tied her hair back up. She sat down again, to have her own meal. Dryed biscuts, and strips of jerkey. When her chocobo was well rested, Lyrah gathered all her things together, ready to leave. But there was still one last thing to do. She gathered up her magic again, and unleashed it, creating a windstorm all around her. She used her areoga spell to spread her sent all around the area. She didn't know if that monster could track by smell or not, but why take chances. And since that tactic could only delay a predator, Lyrah cast the spell deodorize on herself. Then on her chocobo. Now with no way to track her by sent, She mounted her chocobo again, and headed off for East Sarutabaruta.

After days of travel, Lyrah made it to Windrust. Thoughs of a big meal, a hot bath, and a nice warm bed ran through her mind as she walked her chocobo to the stables. She wanted nothing more then to presue all of those wonderful thoughts, but she still had business to take care of. After taking her chocobo to the stables, Lyrah made her way to the captian of the guard, in Windrust Woods. It was a blonde Mithra, with the same tan colored skin as Lyrah's. Her name was Rakoh Buuma. She listened as Lyrah reported all that had happened to her.
"Sounds serrious." She said in her mithran accent.
Lyrah, herself lost the accent while under the training of a master swordsman. She looked up to him so much, that she tryed to copy everything he did. Even the way he spoke. Rakoh was somewhat skeptical of Lyrah's story. But that wasn't how Tarutaru did things.
"I'll send in a report at once." Rakoh continued. "However, if you have any evidence to supporrrt your story, we may get an investagation going much quicker."
Lyrah let out a sigh. She didn't have anything. She was about to say so, but an idea came to her.
"I'll need to go to the boneworkers guild first. i should be back before to long, with some proof."
Rakoh nodded.
"I'll wait for you, before I send in your report. But don't keep me waiting to long."

Lyrah found her sister, Kyaa Taali, busy as always working at her table. She was chipping away at some bone chips, making arrowheads, for a bundle of arrows that were stacked in a corner of the room. Between the two, Kyaa was the one who inherited their mothers white hair. her tail was casually swaying from side to side, as she finished making an arrowhead, and went to work on another.
"Kyaa."
Lyrah greeted.
Kyaa stopped working, and turned around to face her sister.
"Lyrrah!" She greated, with a big smile on her face. "What all did you brrring us, from the excavation?"
A worried look crossed lyrah's face, as she nevously started to scratch her ear.
"Well....I, uha....did get get a good bundle, but...."
Kyaa's smile quickly turned to a look of worry.
"You did bring us more bones, didn't you?" she asked.
Lyrah looked away
"Well.....I'm afraid there there was an incident that happened and - "
"What incident?" Kyaa interupted.
Lyrah put her hands behind her back, and started kicking her foot back and forth.
"I fell into some ancient ruin, where I freed some sort of insane, bloodthirsty monster that tryed to kill me, so I ran away leaving everything behind, bearly escaping with my life."
Kyaa's ears, and jaw dropped, and her tail became limp.
"Whaaaaaaa!" she wailed. "We have an entire days worth of arrows we need fitted with arrowheads, not to mention our norrrmal quota! Its draining our resourceses fast. We can bearly keep up We needed those bones!"
"Thanks for the sympathy." Lyrah muttered. "Anyways, could I get a peice of parchment, a pen, and possibly an envelope?"
Kyaa slumped her head in defeat. She dragged herself to a nearby desk, and brought Lyrah each iteam she asked for. Lyrah set the parchment down on kyaa's table, and started writting something down on it. She then folded the parchment up, and stuffed it in the envelope.
"Thank you very much, sister." Lyrah said, to which Kyaa only sighed.
"Yeah."
It wasn't that Kyaa didn't care. In fact she worried alot about her sister. But her being in danger was common place now. And she knew that Lyrah could take care of herself. Lyrah left the Boneworkers Guild, and went back to Rakoh. She handed the envelope to her as her evidence of her story. Then, she went stright to her mog house, and stright to her bedroom. She walked up to her bed, and fell down falling asleep imediately - on the floor, having missed the bed.

Lyrah's report was sent in, and later that same day it was sent to Koru-Moru, a Minister, and Principle of the local school of magic. He read the offical report restating the findings of an adventurer named Lyrah Taali. Then he pulled out a peice of parchment from an envelope and read it. He nearly fell out of his chair at what he saw. It was ancient writting of a rogue tribe of Tarutaru. Though it wasn't excat, it was still easy to reconigze. Koru-Moru reread the report, then hopped out of his chair, and went over to his bookshelf. He went through his collection of books, searching for anything related to what was in the report. It didn't take to long for him to find what he was looking for. After reading what he wanted to know, Koru-Moru wrote a letter of his own to the Mithra Chieftess, requesting to have a group of rangers prepare for a mission in Tahrongi. He wrote a second letter to Rakoh, wanting Lyrah to be sent to him.

Lyrah woke up early the next morning, feeling better then ever, inspite of the stiffness from laying on the floor. The first thing she did was help herself to a long, and hot bath. While lieing in her tub, in complete bliss, her moogle fluttered in the room, with it's bat-like wings.
"You have recived a letter from Aeriis."
Lyrah opened her eyes, and looked up at the moogle.
"What does it say?"
The moogle opened the envelope, and took out the parchment.
"To my friend Lyrah, kupo." (Kupo not acually being written in the letter. It's just how the moogles talk.) "All is well in San d'Oria. I have just recently been given the task of training new priests, kupo. And don't worry, my Mithran friend. I have not forgotten about our duel. It will be my pleasure to defeat you. Don't be afraid, kupo. I promise I'll go easy on you. Until next we meet my friend. May the light of Altana bless you, kupo.
- Aeriis."

Lyrah couldn't help but chuckle. Aeriis, an elvaan priest, had been a friend of hers for along time. This duel was a friendly match brough about by Lyrah's own constant boasthing. She had no doubts at all that she could beat Aeriis. As far as Lyrah was concerned, there was no power in all of Vana'diel, that she couldn't handle. Even that creature that attacked her. It had simply surprised her was all. If she were to face that creature again, she would win. In a battle, more often then not, there was room for only one winner. And Lyrah expected nothing less from herself, then to be that winner.
"Thanks."
Lyrah said.
The moogle fluttered out of the room. She ended her bath, and got dressed. She wore her pair of red Mithran sepraters, and a pair of white slacks, she wore over her loincloth. On her head, she wore a golden circlet. At her side, she wore her sword. It was a long thin bladed sword, with the hilt curving up the sides of the blade, like prongs. Mr. Sword was it's name. And she also slung a round, metal shield over her shoulder.

She left her mog house, and went out to Windrust Woods. Adventurers, and citizens alike went to and fro, about their own business. Most were Tarutaru, and Mithra, of course. But there were also a few Elvaan, and Humes about too. She even walked passed a muscle bound Galka. He was a giant compared to her. When he saw her, she felt herself shrink somewhat. She had been around Galka before. But being next to him still made Lyrah feel small. The Galka saw this in her, but he simply smiled and nodded, as he casualy walked by. Not far behind him, was a group of Tarutaru children, hiding behind corners to peak at him.

Lyrah's stomach growled, reminding her of how hungry she was. She searched for a food vender, and found a young Mithra girl, walking around with a tray of boxed lunches. Lyrah bought two lunches, and a disposable container of tea from her.
"Enjoy yourrr meal."
She said happly, and continued on.
Lyrah went to sit down at the fountain to eat. Her first lunch was made up of riceballs, with sliced cucumbers, radishs, and tomatoes. Her second lunch was fried crayfish, with potatoes that were cut into long strips, and fried as well. Also it had a special dipping sause, that was slightly tangy. Then she sipped at her tea, feeling as if she had eaten a feast for royalty. That was when a Mithra guard from the eastrn gate walked up to her.
"Lyrrrah Taali?" She asked.
"The one, and only." Came Lyrah's bostful replay.
The guard handed Lyrah and envelope.
"You have rrrecived a request by Minister, and Principal Koru-Moru, to go, and see him as soon as possible."
"I shall do so." Lyrah said, as she took the envelope from her.
The guard saluted, and left. Lyrah finished the rest of her tea,and threw the container into a nearby basket. Later in the day, someone would come by to collect the baskets contents, so they could be remade into new containers for lunches. Almost nothing ever gets truely thrown away.

"Welcome Lyrah." Koru-Moru greated from behind his desk. "Please take a seat'taru."
Lyrah stat down on a stool, across from the small Tarutaru. A pointy blue hat, sat atop his head, resting between his two pointy ears He also wore a sand colored aketon, with a red strip that went down the center.
"A reporty-worty was sent to me, that you found some ancient ruins." He said.
"Do you know anything about it?" Lyrah asked.
Koru-Moru leaned back in his chair.
"Judging from the writting that you found, and the monster-wonster, it was a tomb made by a rogue tribe of Tarutaru. As you know, the Tarutaru delved into magic, but this triby-wibey, the Burumororu, took their magic in a much darker direction'taru."
"Dark magic?" Lyrah asked, as she crossed her legs.
Koru-Moru shook his head.
"Not as simple as that. Blood magic, necromancy, and conjruing-wonjuring nightmarish monsters from other plains of existance."
Lyrah's ears pirked up at that.
"Is that what that mosnter was?"
Koru-Moru nodded.
"What we know from history, states that they created a vicious monster to protect them from the Yagado, and the other Tarutaru tribes. They called it the Fleshripper giant'taru."
"Giant?"
Lyrah asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
Koru-Moru grinned.
"By Tarutaru standards, of course."
He scratched his little brown nose, and continued on.
"Over time, the tribe diminished. The Fleshripper became more, and more difficult to control. So they sealed it up in that tomby-womby."
"So what's the plan?"
Lyrah asked, half expecting the answer.
"What we want to do, is send out a teamy-weamy to that tomb. But we can't send out a group, with that monster running about'taru"
"So you want me to go back out there, and kill it?"
Lyrah asked.
Koru-Moru nodded.
"I have made arangments for a groupy-woupy of rangers to be sent out. And I want you to go with them."
Lyrah sat one her stool, silent. She wasn't afraid of the Fleshripper. But she wasn't excatly anxious to go out, and fight it either.
"You will be rewarded, of course. Five hundred gil."
The Minister added.
Lyrah smiled.
"Alright, I'll do it."
"Excellent!"
Koru-Moru cheered.
"The rangers will have all your provisions ready-weady. Meet them back here at sundown."
Lyrah saluted.
"The Fleshripper will be beaten. You can count on that."
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Old 09-06-2006, 02:59 PM   #2
Taali
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Default My mithra fanfic

THE HIDDEN FOE
Part 2

Lyrah returned at sundown, to see the rangers already there. There were six of them, all geared up. They were armed with their longbows, and quivers full of arrows. They each also has a Mithran style sabre. The leader of the group was a tall Mithra named Gia Kocha. She had a much darker tan then Lyrah. She also had blue eyes, and red hair, that was tied in a single pony tail.
"Are you the red mage, Lyrrrah Taali?"
She asked.
"I am indeed."
Lyrah answered, with a salute.
"We have heard alot about you." Gia greated, with a salute in return. "I am going to be the one in charge of this mission. And I will expect you to do as I say, just like the rest of my rangers."
Lyrah gave a sly smile.
"Of course."
Gia glared at her. Adventurers. Gia though to herself. They never follow orders, like they're suppost to. Well this one will, if she knows what's good for her.

Lyrah observed the other five Mithra. They were sitting together, talking amongst themselves. One of them, was as tall as Gia. She had short purple hair, and was sitting next to a bundled up tent. No doubt she would be the one who had to carry that. It was a large bundle that became heavy after carrying for a long period of time. Lyrah felt sorry for her. The door to Koru-Moru's manor opened, and the little Tarutaru himself stepped out. He was also acompined by another Tarutaru dressed up for an adventure. The rangers stood up, and formed a line with Gia, and Lyrah.

"This is Daru-Karu." Koru-Moru greeted. "He will be the one to teleport you all to the Craig of Mea."
Gia nodded.
"There is one other thingy-wingy, however."
"What?" Gia asked.
"I want to get an accurate inscription of the writting that Lyrah found'taru. I want you all to take him to that tomb, so he can get it."
Gia crossed her arms, and frowned.
"Wouldn't it be betterrr if we kill this monster before you start sending people out for your research?" She stated more then asked.
"Daru-Karu is fresh out of the school of magic, and ready to be put to the test. This is the perfect oppertunity for him."
Gia's tail swayed impatiently.
"This isn't a good mission to send him on, if he's inexperrienced."
Koru-Moru shook his head.
"He'll never-wever become experienced, unless he gets out there in the real world."
Gia was about to argue again, but Koru-Moru cut her off.
"This is the tasky-wasky, required of you. I'm sure you'll be able to do it."
Daru-Karu stepped foward.
"Gather around." He said in a cheerful voice.
He began casting his spell, to teleport the party to the Craig of Mea. The Mithra were gathered all around him.
Koru-Moru watched as they disappeared in a flash of light.
"Good luck'taru." He said.
He then went back into his manor, and closed the door.

Lyrah, the rangers, and Daru-Karu walked down the steps of the Craig of Mea.
"We're going to the mountian pass. We don't stop until dawn."
Gia instructed, mostly to the little Tarutaru.
"Wait." He said.
The Mithra stopped, and turned to look at him.
"Shouldn't we rest now, and start at dawn? It's really-weally cold out here."
Daru-Karu was already shivering.
"We travel at night, and rest during the day." Gia answered painly.
Daru-Karu slumped his shoulders, and muttered something under his breath. The mithra heard him clearly, but said nothing, starting off, the Tarutaru right behind them. Lyrah spared a glance back at him, and smiled, recalling her early days as an adventurer.
"Hang in there." She said, hoping to encourage him. "The desert sun is harsh, and unforgiving, which is why we are traveling at night. And I'll be missing an entire nights sleep too."
Daru-Karu looked up at her. He took some comfort in her words, and stood up more stright. They traveled the entire night, not stopping to rest, and they bearly spoke a word to each other. Lyrah was completely exhausted. But Daru-Karu looked much worse. It took all his strength, and willpower just to keep from closing his eyes, and falling over. At the first light of dawn, Gia called for the group to stop.
"We'll rrrest now. Set the tent over there."
Gia pointed over to a single tree. The Mithra, who was named Poyu Kamilabi, took the bundled up tent off her back. Two of the other rangers helped her set it up. Daru-Karu didn't think to notice that there was only one, giant tent. And that they would all have to share it. He wouldn't of liked that idea at all. What if one of them rolled over on him? Poor Daru-Karu would be squished. But Daru-Karu was already out cold. Just moments after Gia called for them to stop, his eyes closed, and he crumpled to the ground, fast asleep.

When the tent was set up, Gia assigned herself as the first watch. One by one, the rangers entered the tent. One of them with Daru-Karu tucked under her arm. It was a cramped fit for the group. But Lyrah was already use to such things. Wrapped up in her little blanket, and with her sword, and shield above her, she fell asleep. The group awoke in the evening, as the sun went down. Lyrah felt refreshed, and stepping out of that cramped tent felt even better. They ate their first meal of the night together, talking, sharing stories, and jokes of all sorts. Then the tent was taken down, and bundled back up again. And off they went for the second night. Two more nights passed before they found the tomb. One of the rangers hopped down into the tomb. She helped Daru-Karu down in with her. He went to the crumbled wall, with a pen, and parchment.

The inscriptions were still intact, below the hole that was made. It was a quick, and simple task, copying down the ancient writting. With that done, the Mithra helped Daru-Karu back out of the tomb, followed by their fellow ranger.
"Now that Koru-Moru has what he wants, we can start with the rrreal mission."
Gia stated, anxious for Daru-Karu to go so they could hunt the creature down.
Daru-Karu reached into his tunic for his warp scroll. But something suddenly became wrong. The air felt different, somehow. A sense of forbodding. The Mithra were tense.
"What is it?
He asked, his voice nothing more then a whisper.
"The Fleshrippers sent." Lyrah answered.
She drew her sword, and held her shield before her.
The rangers had their bows drawn, fitted with arrows. They formed a protective circle around Daru-Karu
"Warp away. Get out of here while you have a chance."
Gia ordered.
Daru-Karu was certianly tempted to do just that. He didn't want to face this monster. But he also didn't want to just abandon the rangers. He resisted the urge to flee, determinded to see this through with them.
Lyrah stood within the circle of rangers. She stood ready, without tension. Though she was nervous, she wasn't afraid. Her ears moved about, atop her head, listening.
And then it happened.
A sudden explosion in movment. And a terrifying cry from one of the rangers. The sent of blood came into the air. The rangers cursed, all turning toward the enemy. The Fleshripper towered over them. One of its claws stabbed through Zee Meialii, who was now dead. They let loose their arrows, as the monster turned to flee. They hit the monster with three volleys of arrows. But their arrows bounced harmlessly off its thick hide.
"It has stoneskin.!"
Lyrah shouted, as she was casting her first spell. The Fleshripper was hit by her spell, and became bound to the spot where it stood. It couldn't move any further. Lyrah began casting her next spell, as the rangers moved in on the beast. She launched a giant sized rock with such force, that it shattered apon striking the monster, knocking it down. The Zee's body was dislodged from its claws, and she was quickly pulled away. Without pause, Lyrah was already unleashing her next spell. Large boulders rained down from the sky, smashing into the monster. A thick cloud of dust, and debre rose up, forcing the rangers back. For a moment, neither the Fleshripper, nor the rangers moved.

"That should take care of its stoneskin."
Lyrah said.
"Daru, see what you can do for her!"
Gia ordered.
Sweating, and weak kneed, Daru-Karu stumbled over to their fallen companion.
A low groan came from the rubble that now burried the monster. The Mithra formed a wall between it, and Daru-Karu.
With a sudden burst of speed, the Fleshripper burst from the rubble, fleeing from the rangers. A bright red trail of blood followed right behind it.
"Do we follow?" One of the rangers asked.
Gia shook her head.
"Not yet."

Daru-Karu sat down infront of the Zee. She was ripped from her colar bone, down to the center of her chest. Blood was everywhere. And her face, locked in a contorted expression, unerved him greatly. Daru-karu put his hands aboce the wound, and gathered his magic. He began to mend the fatal injury, from chest to colar bone. The Mithra gathered around, and watched. The wound was eventually mended completely, although Zee would be left with a large scar. Next he put a hand on her head, and on her chest. He put his magic through her body, and reached out to call her spirit back. He found her. Sensed her confusion. Now they were at the part where it all depended on her. If she chose to answer his calls or not.He called out to Zee. She heard him. Slowly she followed. He contiuned his calls, and guided her back.
Then Daru-Karu sat back. He wiped the sweat off his forhead, and waited. No one talked. Zee drew in a deep breath of air, and opened her eyes. The rangers were instantly at their companions side, and praising Daru-karu. He sat back, and watch the Mithra. This was the first time he ever used that spell. And on his first adventure. He felt in complete awe. A hand came to rest on his shoulder. He looked up to see Gia, smiling down at him.
"Well done. And thank you."
They all took their time to gather themselves from that encounter. Zee was withdrawen, and solem. And she was really weak from the loss of blood. Gia ordered her to return to Windrust with Daru-Karu. He used his warp scroll, and the Mithra saluted their two friends as they vanished together. Gia stood before her rangers.
"Now we hunt.:
That brough sly smiles to the rangers. Even Lyrah couldn't help but smile at that. She was a Mithra after all.

The Fleshripper proved easy to track. Almost disappointly so. The trail of blood came to an end, as the land turned up into uneven slopes. This suggested that it could heal itself somehow. Most likely with regen magic. But its foot prints, and scent were still easy to follow. Eventually, they spotted the monster up ahead. It was curled up, and as still as death. Gia moved up to take a closer look. She approched cautiously, with her sabre in hand. Two rangers moved close behind her, bow and arrow ready. Closer they moved, but the Fleshripper stayed perfectly still. Gia got within swords reach, and gave it a soft jab.
With a sudden poof sound, the Fleshripper turned to dust. Gia jumped back, in a crouch, ready for an attack. one of her ears slowered, and she blinked in confusion.
"What is this!?"
"Some sort of spell. A decoy." Came Lyrah's answer.

There were no footprints around the fake monster, and the scent had ended.
"Search the area."Gia ordered.
They fanned out. Gia turned around, and locked eyes with Lyrah. She gave the red mage a look that she saw many times before. Daru-Karu was gone. And if something happened to one of the rangers again, Lyrah was all there was. She gave Gia a confident nod. The monsters tracks were found, backtracking directly through the rugged hills, and sloped. They followed in prusit. The terrain was dangerous, and difficult. But the agile Mithra made their way through with only minor trouble. But they could only move as fast as their slowest member, and poor Poyu, with that large tent on her back, couldn't move as fast as the others.
Soon they came to a large, jagged clif. They stopped to catch their breath. The sun was comming back up, but they couldn't afford to rest for another day. Not with their prey so close. Claw marks were on the clifs rocks, and surface, leading all the way up.
"Looks like we climb."
Gia said, after she drank from her water flask, and wiped the sweat from her brow.
Lyrah gathered her magic, and cast the spell of stoneskin on herself. No sence in taking chances she though, and began the difficult climb up. She reached the top of the clif, and looked down into a small barren valley that was completely encircled. She also caught scent of the Fleshripper.
"The monster is somewhere nearby!"
Lyrah called down to the other rangers in warning. She watched as Gia opened her mouth to say something, but instead her eyes grew wide with fear.
"Look out!" She screamed.

Lyrah quickly reached for her sword, just as a large,and powerful claw struck her from the side. If it wasn't for her stoneskin, she would have been ripped in half by that single strike. Instead, Lyrah was knocked off the clif, and rolled down the sandy slope to the empty valley. The Fleshripper loomed over the rangers, and let out a threatening roar.
"Go back down!" Gia shouted.
They were in no position to fight the monster. Without any other option, other then death, the rangers retreated. Lyrah was now alone.

The Mithra red mage layed in the center of the valley. She stumbled to her feet, and tryed to regain her senses. She shook away the dizzyness, and drew her sword, and shield. The Fleshripper stepped before her. Snarling, it sized her up. Lyrahs stoneskin spell was still up, and she had plunty of magic left. She gathered her magic, and casted the spell aquaveil. A blue, watery sphere engulfed her, then faded from sight. She then casted another spell on her sword, charging it with lightening. The Fleshripper roared, and charged foward. Lyrah quickly prepared another spell, and let it loose. A clear force of energy engulfed the monster, and slowed its movment. It attacked with a slashing claw, comming stright down for her head. Lyrah easily sidestepped the slow attack, and sliced at the creatures neck.

The blade was deflected, and Mr.Swords enthunder had no effect. Stoneskin. That spell was as much a curse, as it was a blessing. The Fleshripper turned to follow the Mithra. It attempted to backhand her with a claw. But once again it was to slow. Lyrah easily jumped away. In her retreat, she casted another spell at the monster. She threw a small electrical ball. It hit the creature, and exploded, sending lightening coursing through the creatures body. Stoneskin couldn't protect it from this spell. It roared in pain, and anger.

This time it was Lyrah's turn to charge. She bashed the Flehsripper in the head with her shield, then struck repeadly with her sword. She needed to wear away its stoneskin. The Fleshripper fought back, slashing, biting, and kicking. But none of its attacks even came close to hitting her. Eventually the Fleshrippers stoneskin was gone, and Lyrah tore a wound on the inside of its arm. Her swords enthunder sent a charge of lightening through its body. The monster roared again, and vanished. Lyrah blinked, and leaped back in surprise. But she was still ready. Only a brief moment passed, when a huge claw cut into her aquaveil spell. The water-like sphere became visible as it caught the claw, and slowed the attack.
To easy, Lyrah through, as she dodged under the claw, while slicing with Mr. Sword. The Fleshrippers invisibility fell away, as Lyrah cut across its stomach, and sent more lightening through it.

Lyrah leaped away, and ran several steps back. She needed lots of space to cast what she planned to be her final spell. She stood upright, in full confidence, as she gathered her magic. She locked eyes with the Fleshripper, and smiled smugly.
"Come and get me." She teased.
The Fleshripper, in full furry, once again charged at her. And when it got close enough, Lyrah unleashed her spell. Three spikes of solid rock thrusted up from the ground. They pirced right through the monster. Two of the spikes went through its chest, and shoulder. And the third, through it chin, and into the skull. The monster was dead instantly.

"So this was the ancient terror of Sarutabaruta." She said, mockingly.
But it came to her, that this creature was made to fight against Tarutaru, and Yagado. neither of which equaled to an exceptional Mithran fighting mage. The rangers appeared, and met up with Lyrah. They saluted, and praised her victory against the beast. Gia drew her sabre, and cut off the Fleshrippers head.
'Please burn the body." She asked.
Lyrah nodded, and casted a fire spell. The group of Mithra traveled out of Tahrongi, and headed to the garrison in the northern part of East Sarutabaruta. There, they were given food, and rest. After that, the made their way to Windrust on Chocobos. Gia carried the Fleshrippers head in a clothbag.

"You did it'taru!" Koru-Moru cheered.
He took the head from Gia. With a final salute, Lyrah, and the rangers parted ways.
"You have all done Windrust proud." The small Minister cheered.
Lyrah stepped out of the building, with her reward money. The weight of the pouch of gil felt heavy in her hand. She had a big smile on her face, as she though of all the ways she could spend her gil. She then walked right into her sister.
"Lyrrrah, what are you doing here?"
Kyaa asked.
"I just got back from a mission. What about you?"
Lyrah answered.
Kyaa put a hand on her hip, as she explained that she was sent here to try and get Koru-Moru to pay his debuts to the boneworkers guild.
"Whatcha got therrre, sister?"
She asked Lyrah.
"My reward money." Lyrah answered proudly. "Five hundred gil."
Kyaa, quick as a cat, snatched the pouch of gil right out of Lyrah's hand.
"This may be enough to pay off his debuts."
She said to herself.
"Hey!!!" Lyrah shouted. "You can't pay his debuts with my gil!" Give it back!"
Her ears were lowered, and her tail went stiff stright. She tryed to snatch her gil back, but Kyaa pushed her away.
"Don't forget cat, you still owe me too."
Lyrah pushed back.
'I don't owe you anything, thief!"
"Oooooh, rrreally...." Kyaa cooed, with a grin. "You didn't forget about all those bones were were sent out to excavate, and never brought back, did you?"
Lyrah stood speechless, with her mouth hanging open. She tryed to speek, but her voice failed her.
"Good." Kyaa stated dryly. "Now that, thats settled, you can always come back to do more excavation forrr us. Maybe I'll even pay you a little extra."

Kyaa turned, and walked away, her tail swaying behind her. Lyrah just stood there, unable to believe what had just happened. Finally she shook her head.
"I need a drink."
She sighed, wanting to forget this entire thing ever happened. After all, another adventure will come.
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Old 09-06-2006, 06:40 PM   #3
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O_o
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Old 09-08-2006, 01:52 AM   #4
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it's too long so i didnt read it but...
ridicuously long posts are supposed to my trademark! :(
 
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Old 09-08-2006, 03:58 AM   #5
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that was great. i really liked it. I once tried to make a little manga about my samurai mithra and my friends on Midgardsormr. but didnt get past 2 pages orz.... but it was very nice. great job storytelling. i loved how u were able to decribe certain buff spells as if they were real lol. not just the literally meaning. i wish i had the brain power to write a fanfic involing my sam XD
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Old 09-08-2006, 11:25 AM   #6
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Glad that you liked my story. I did try to write it as if it was a real world, and not just a video game world. Good to hear I was able to pull it off.
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Old 10-06-2006, 02:25 AM   #7
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Well, since you wanted me to read this. I hope nothing I say will be taken as an insult.

They story was pretty decent a bit straight forward and predictable, but is a good start. One of the things though I don't think it's necessary to give reason for a character's accent. Quite frequently anything in " " is pretty common knownledge that is someone talking, so any accents used can be understood.

If you feel the accent may not be recognized by it's audience, as opposed to doing omniscient of an omniscient (This ruins the omniscient feel, because now it's indicating that the omniscient doesn't know or see everything like it should). It's better to make the character themselves or another present point out their accent in some way. For example you could have Lyrah make a joke or tease her moogle with some innocent fun of him using Kupo all the time.

That should be enough to let the reader know what the moogle is reading isn't completly exact to what's written, it also provides another opportunity to add more depth and dynamics to your character so they are more fuller can be related to or understood more by the reader.

More written example of it would be instead of:

Quote:
"To my friend Lyrah, kupo." (Kupo not acually being written in the letter. It's just how the moogles talk.)
It would help to give Lyrah more character if you did something like:

Quote:
"To my friend Lyrah, kupo." Lyrah grins slightly, thinking how it's so {funny, cute, intresting, wierd, annoying} how moogles use kupo when they talk.
This leaves 3rd person omniscient exactly as it should be all seeing and all knowing, and doesn't interrupt the story. It's informative of Lyrah's characteristic and for the readers that wouldn't know it indicates to them that 'Kupo' is the moogle's accent.

Outside of that I noticed you are very descriptive of what's going on. It's a good trait, but were the focus of the description is makes it a little tedious to read. One example would be:

Quote:
Lyrah leaped away, and ran several steps back. She needed lots of space to cast what she planned to be her final spell. She stood upright, in full confidence, as she gathered her magic. She locked eyes with the Fleshripper, and smiled smugly.
"Come and get me." She teased.
The Fleshripper, in full furry, once again charged at her. And when it got close enough, Lyrah unleashed her spell. Three spikes of solid rock thrusted up from the ground. They pirced right through the monster. Two of the spikes went through its chest, and shoulder. And the third, through it chin, and into the skull. The monster was dead instantly.
It's already pretty obvious from the setting that this last spell is going to be a big one, but the execution of it here doesn't give that same grandure to the spell. A quick idea I can think of for it to give a little impact would be something like:


Quote:
Lyrah leaped away, and ran several steps back. She needed lots of space to cast what she planned to be her final spell. She stood upright, in full confidence, as she gathered her magic. She locked eyes with the Fleshripper, and smiled smugly.
"Come and get me." She teased.

The Fleshripper, in full furry, once again charged at her. And when it got close enough, Lyrah unleashed her spell. With a loud rumbling the earth bursts upwards sending out several shockwaves, the force fierce enough it causes Lyrah to fall backwards. Lyrah quickly looks back to see the devestation caused from her spell. The beast lingering in the air by rock formed spikes jutting through it's chest, shoulder, and head. It died instantly.

Lyrah stands up and dusts herself off.
That seems a bit more descriptive, yet leaves room to the reader's imagination. Combat parts in a story are a bit difficult and very tricky to make. It's an area were you want the reader to be able to really vision this battle, so instead of to much detail about the stratedgy more detail about the action that's occuring helps more. You've got bits to the combat section that are good but some that need a little more work, it's almost there just needs a little more to it.

Perhaps some detail of the environment that she jumps back to, she land somewere where it's a little rocky? or Perhaps dust is kicked up at some point? When the beasts strikes at Lyrah and misses, maybe it hits something else in the environment. Also a good opportunity to describe the beasts power by the devistation it causes to the environment.

It is pretty good though, much along what I've seen young authors do before better developing it. Your writting has some promise to it, very intresting story.
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